My Particular Girl

Frankie often needs things in a certain way to feel safe and comfortable. This is particularly true concerning the bedtime setting. The only problem is, the "rules" are subject to change, and it is often difficult to discern what a hysterical toddler with a very limited vocabulary needs (I think this is true for any hysterical toddler). What's funny for Frankie is that as soon as you accommodate her particular "need", she calms down instantly and will fall asleep with no fuss, no muss.

For example, just now before nap, as I was changing her diaper, she kept saying "socks" because she was wearing socks (which has not happened much in the last few months). I asked her if she wanted them off, but she didn't seem to care one way or another, so I left them on. We turned on her sound machine, her fan, and as I put her in her crib she turned around to face the far wall, laid on her belly, and I put the green blanket over her all while she sang "Jesus loves me" with me. I have learned through trial and error that these are the necessary steps for a successful bedtime for Frankie, and as I left the room she was quietly singing still and on her way to sleep. Two minutes after closing the door she started screaming hysterically, and I went in to find out what the matter was. Normally we don't do this - we subscribe to the cry it out method, and generally refrain from indulging any post-door-shutting crying, unless it sounds drastic, which it did today.

I walked in, asking Frankie what the matter was, and if there was anything I could do to help her. Through hysterical screams I heard her say "socks!". I asked if I could help take her socks off, and she instantly stopped crying, sniffed, and nodded. The socks were removed, I patted her back, and she was able to fall asleep peacefully.

I'm never quite sure how much of this I should indulge her in, although most of her requests are reasonable to accommodate, and they don't seem like manipulative attempts to delay bedtime. I can relate to her desire to have things a particular way, and figure that life is tough enough as a toddler when you don't have much of a say in your life. I have a feeling that flexibility will be a life skill we'll always have to work on with Frankie.

When she does feel safe and comfortable, she is remarkably independent, and a happy girl. I can leave her in the playroom while I go tend to Dexter in our bedroom, and if she misses me she'll call out for me. When she finds me, she generally gives me a smile and an "Oh!" and resumes playing by herself.